It's harder than I ever dreamed it would be

I learned today that if we cut out that huge bush in my front yard that I will have an ugly brown patch of dirt for more than two years. It didn't occur to me that it would take so long to spread. So mom had the idea of moving the grass from where we put the mint plant there. There's were I broke...everything is never a simple as thing appear on the surface. I am so tired of having to work every night on the place. I am so tired of surprises - financial and physical. I am surprised to find out that I think bit off more than I can chew.

I know mom is disappointed in me and my attitude - I have been talking of taking a night off for more than a week and they have been working their tails off for me without compliant.

I also learned something major about myself. I don't think I will do what it takes to maintain a beautiful yard. I really don't care. I hate yard work. I don't even care for the mint plant we're moving it just seems a shame to dig it out and trash it. This disappoints me - I thought I would enjoy doing and making my own yard nice.

It's been exactly one month since I've closed on the house - right now, I wonder if I made a big mistake and if I am up for the challenges that lay ahead. I am not as strong, mentally, emotional or physically, as my parents. This "owning" is much hard than I thought it would be - there's nothing I can do but learn to cope and try not to disappoint those who have been so generous with their time, energy and money anymore.